there are times when junhong is on top of the stage, even after two whole years had passed, and he is still thoroughly bewildered by the sea of screaming and chanting faces, utterly in awe of the amazing love and dedication he feels pouring in from the crowds below. and junhong is left winded and speechless.

b.a.p, 방용국!

there are also times when junhong feels the pressures and expectations to live up to the adoration of their fans, an enormous sack of bricks and boulders weighing down heavily on his shoulders. so much to the point that he lives in constant fear of tripping up, making a mistake, and disappointing the world, revealing that he’s not exactly all that they think he is. just some average kid, with average skills, who got lucky enough to win a few minutes in the limelight.

b.a.p, 김힘찬!

“hyung, what if i mess up my lines?” junhong panics as he peers around the corner of the backstage, breaths coming and going in shallow pants. he nervously wrings the hem of his already much abused, fancy black suit that the coordi noonas dressed them up in as part of their comeback concept. “what if i blank out and miss my cue, or forget the dance routine, or trip, or miss my chair again and fall on my butt or…” junhong is now streaming a list of worries and concerns under one, long breath, talking even faster than when he spits his lte raps.

b.a.p, 정대현!

yongguk smiles, gently prying junhong’s fumbling fingers away from the suit. if the kid wrinkles it anymore, the coordi noonas will have an aneurysm. yongguk laces their fingers together to keep junhong’s hands occupied from straying back to his clothes. “take a deep breath,” yongguk commands the fretting maknae, demonstrating for junhong how to inhale and exhale. “and count to ten.”

b.a.p, 유영재!

junhong complies, shutting his eyes and taking a few shaky intakes of air. he tries to clear out his mind, solely focusing on the warmth of his hyung’s palms radiating against his own, the sound of steady breaths just a few inches away from his face. counting slowly in his mind, junhong shifts his fingers wrapped around yongguk’s, fingertips sliding up and down yongguk’s knuckles. one, two, three…

b.a.p, 문종업!

“better?” yonnguk asks as junhong opens his eyes again, nodding his head with a tentative smile. “you’ll be fine,” yongguk reassures, releasing one hand and raising it to pat a stray lock of junhong’s hair back into place. “we’ve performed on stage so many times, and you’ve never failed to give it your all at every single one. you have nothing to be scared of.”

b.a.p, 최준홍!

“yeah,” junhong breathes, staring deep into his hyung’s steadfast gaze and relaxing the coiled up tension in his muscles. yongguk, his rock, his foundation. nothing to worry about. “yeah, it’s going to be great,” junhong continues, his chaotic mind and queasy stomach finally at ease. “everything’s going to be fine.”

사랑해요, b.a.p!

“okay, good,” yongguk stops himself from ruffling junhong’s hair and opts instead for patting his cheek before being hastily pulled away by a frantic seokgu hyung to finalize the preparations for their “1004” comeback performance.

“are you sure youngjae should stand right there? what if the people on that side of the crowd can’t see…”

junhong takes a final glance at yongguk’s retreating back as it disappears around the corner. then he peeks outside the backstage again to stare into the sea of faces, one giant, unified shadow dotted by intermittent spots of the familiar green glow of their matoki light stick. excitement and anticipation hangs heavy in the air, and junhong can now feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

지구정복, b.a.p!

“nothing to worry about,” junhong whispers to himself with a dimpled grin as everybody joins him at the edge of the stage, totally pumped and eager to get the show finally started.